Yes, it is my way to apologize. I hope you will accept it — because I betrayed your trust and friendship. And you, among all the human beings, did not deserve it.
We were like Harry, Hermione and Ron. Three friends, with so little in common, and still so much to share. I am not sure who was who. Maybe you were Harry, and I was Ron. But the girl we lost our friendship for, that girl was not Hermione.
I remember the first day you talked about her. The three of us were sitting and chatting together at the coffee machine — as we did so many times, in the past three years. Did you see the new girl, you asked. No, I didn’t, my answer. She is not that pretty — Hermione added, to stop us from talking about another girl, in her presence.
You liked her, from the first day
Everyone, in the department, was talking about the new cute girl who just moved there from the West side of the country. Everyone was saying how friendly, smiling and happy she was. In a male dominated environment as a department of physics, her blond hair brought some fresh air. And, of course, Hermione did not like her. She used to be the cute girl around. Who the hell is now this new simpering bimbo?
You liked her, from the first day. It was your type of girl, not mine. She was singing in the choir, like you. And she was a devoted churchgoer. Like you. She looked innocent — and here is the difference: you were innocent, she just looked like so. I was not innocent, and there we met.
She was cute, and she was there
I guess you have the right, ten years later, to know how the things went, that night. It all started few days before, at a dinner that you organized. A pizza, to celebrate. It was your party, and I remember your words: “I should never introduce her to you”. Yes, you should have not. We sat one in front of the other. She was cute, she was funny, she was a good-girl. And I accepted the challenge. I made her laugh all the night, I played bad jokes at other people and made her my accomplice. I let her to drive my car. And I pretended that I did not care.
Don’t do it!
Yes, I remember, you told me how much you liked her. It was clear to me that she did not give a damn shit about you. She had a boyfriend, back home. You had no hope — or maybe I thought so to justify my own actions. Maybe I was just feeling alone, and she was cute, and she was there. “Don’t do it, you know how much Harry cares about her. You can have whoever you want. You do not need her,” — so was Hermione trying to convince me to let her go — “she is not even that cute, you had nicer girlfriends!”
What are you up to?
A couple of days later, in a pause between two lectures, she gave me her number. I sent her a message, that very afternoon. “What are you up to?” “What do you mean?” “Right now, I mean!” “Having a tea.” “I’ll bring biscuits, then. Get a tea cup for me, too.” “You are crazy!” “Give me the address.” And there I was, half-an-hour later.
We did not drink that tea. As soon as I arrived, I told her: “Let’s go for dinner.” — We drove one hour out of the city, to one of my favorite restaurants. I knew what I was doing. She knew it too. And yes, that night, at dinner, we talked a lot about you. I asked what she felt for you. “He is such a nice, sensitive person. A dear friend.” “He likes you.” “I know, but I am sorry. I do not feel that way. And I have a boyfriend at home.”
Quei due sapevano a memoria dove volevano arrivare
We did not talk about the boyfriend. We had a glass of wine, a dessert, and some good fun. We soon did not talk about you either. In that moment, my betrayal was complete. I ruled you out, like Judas: “before the rooster crows three times“. I remember my telephone ringing, or maybe was just a message from you. She also got one. We did not answer.
We headed back to the city, but on the way I stopped by the sea, just where I grew up as a child. My favorite cd playing my favorite music. We kept talking: quei due sapevano a memoria dove volevano arrivare .
We went hand in hand to my room
I drove her home, yes, I did it. We were still in time to let things go. I was still in time. But there, sitting in the car parked in front of her house, in the middle of the night and of our words, I finally reached her hand. And then we kissed. You knew it, you knew the moment you saw her, the moment you told me: “I will never introduce her to you“.
We drove away, and we went hand in hand to my room at the student house. It was 4 or 5 in the morning. The concierge did not object when I arrived with a girl. It was not the first time. When few hours later you arrived and knocked on my door with all the rage you had in your heart, there we were. In my room. And I have been too coward to come and to open the door. To face your rage.
Today, I see you happy
I never knew how you did find out, that morning, that I had spent the night with her. I guess you just understood it. Both of us — the two people you were talking more often in those days — we did not answer your messages and calls. All the evening before, all the night, and not even in the morning. You knew me, and your friend (the engineer) was finally proving his point. You should have not trusted me.
We never talked about it. Our friendship was over. Hermione suffered for both of us. The cute girl left her boyfriend at home, and we became a couple. You are a nicer person than I am. When a year and half later that girl dumped me, I am sure that you did not laugh. Or maybe just a little. It was your right. I cried, that day.
Today I see you happy. We keep in touch from time to time, and I do appreciate it. We both found finally love, and a person that is the perfect match for our souls. I tried hard to become a better person. I learned about myself. And I do ask your forgiveness.
- A girl that I met on a train
- She was thirteen. We saw each other again, 20 years later
- My ex-girlfriends’ boyfriends