Fuck, I could have a 20 years old daughter!


Fuck! I could have a 20 years old daughter. Seriously. The thought never stroke me so hard as it does now, sitting here and looking at my little 10 months old princess.

Every time I had intercourse with a girl — I could have actually become a father. Yes, maybe it is trivial, and according to the Catholic Pope it is even a requirement: one shot, one hit. But seriously, I have been dating — and sleeping with — some girls who I can hardly imagine being mothers. A couple of those girls were emotionally unstable, others aged so badly that I cannot think it possible to have shared the rest of my life with them.

Newtonian physics is a lousy approximation

The fact is that, before actually procreating, you cannot feel the potential of the act. You might know “as a fact” that each coitus could be a child — the same way you know that Newtonian physics is just a lousy approximation: it is an interesting notion, but it is hard to believe it in daily life.

Yes, I have been almost always a responsible guy. I used condoms when I had occasional encounters, and most of the times I used them also in the due course of stable relationships. Few times, we had to get a day-after pill: shit happens. Some girls I dated for longer time used birth-control drugs and most of the time I trusted them: now, I shake thinking about the risk I took.


Three reasons why I wouldn’t like to have children

Three reasons why I wouldn’t like to have children from previous relationships:

  • The most important choice you make, when having a child, is the selection of the other parent. You should like your counterpart beyond any doubt, you should like the way the other parent think, the way the other parent see herself (or himself) in the role of being a parent. All these things have nothing to do with sexual attraction. I have been attracted by girls with whom I would never ever ever want to have a child, or even live together. (Problem is: most people do not appreciate this difference.)
  • I was way too young. It is my pride to be able to provide to my daughter with all she needs, and beyond. I have a quite nice job, I live in a country promoting responsible parenthood, we talk to her in four languages at the same time, and I will be able to afford any university she would like to enroll in. It would not have been the case 20 years ago. Neither 10 years ago, actually.
  • My little girl is too special not to be the one. She was meant to be.
    And no one else.

So, maybe it was just being responsible, maybe it was also being lucky. I could have a 20 years old daughter. Thanks god, I don’t.

Terfa in Malmö


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